IC Inbox (Noctium)

[andthatscalledjazz]

« TamedWolf » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION LEGOSI ✦ BEASTARS
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND ✦ Amethyst

Uh, hello. Here's where you can drop messages, I guess. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to put here.

INFO ✧ PERMISSIONS ✧ KINKLIST

Comments

tex | un: adler (dated 3/15)

[disasdeer]

Legosi.

Can we talk?

text: un: tamedwolf

[andthatscalledjazz]

Louis! Yeah, of course, we can talk.

Did you just want to do it over text or did you want to meet in person?

[disasdeer]

In person was better. Where are you living?

Or we can meet somewhere, I guess.

[andthatscalledjazz]

Oh, yeah! I'll send you the address! Here should be fine. Do you want me to make any food?

[disasdeer]

Just...the address. That's all I need, Legosi.

I don't need you to make me anything.

[andthatscalledjazz]

Sorry, just
I'll send you the address now, Louis.

[Included below is the address, along with directions from a few different main roads]

-> and to logging we go.

[disasdeer]

It was very courteous of Legosi to consider the address and directions. Which...doesn't actually surprise Louis. His friend could be very thoughtful sometimes, and at other times - totally reckless and stupid. He still feels a little strange about everything that went down the last time they really talked. About how he talked to Legosi, about how Legosi poured his heart out to him. Louis... wasn't ready to hear it. For all of Haru's attempts to prepare him, he wasn't ready for it at all. And Louis usually took confessions like that and rejected them. He used to shove them away and mention his fiance and allow that to be the thing to step between him and someone else caring about him - or caring about someone else. But it was Legosi. He's always been special. Always. And every time, Louis would eventually cave.

Which was why a little time away from the wolf was good for him. He needed to. He had to. And now, they really did have to talk about what had happened at the cabin without caving right to give and give the wolf whatever he wanted and needed. Because so often that was exactly what Louis wanted to do.

Louis could maybe dodge Legosi for awhile, but he didn't want to stay away from him forever. He wanted to be able to spend time with him.

When he arrived at the address, he knocked.

[andthatscalledjazz]

Legosi paced around his apartment, trying not to work himself up unsuccessfully. Okay, okay, Louis was actually coming. They were going to talk. Talking was better than not talking, right? Legosi caught a look at himself in a passing mirror, seeing his slightly disheveled reflection. He'd really been up and down in such drastic amounts since he'd last seen Louis. Legosi hurried to the bathroom and quickly fixed his fur to look less, well, wild.

He sighed and stared up at himself after he finished making himself look presentable. He'd pushed his feelings onto the deer. Louis had done so much for him and... He knew it wasn't fair to do that. But, some part of him still didn't want to let the deer go. On one level, it was to make sure Louis was happy and had people. But, of course, there was the selfish angle.

Legosi pressed his forehead up against the mirror, slumping for a moment. "Why am I such a dumb wolf?" His musings stopped in their tracks as a knock echoed from the door. Louis! He perked and hurried out of the bathroom, heading to the door. His tail started wagging and his ears perked as he pulled it open. "Louis!" Right, remember how things left off last time. Pull it in, mutt. Legosi calmed his tail and fully swung the door to let the deer in. "Uh, hey. Come on in. We can talk, uh, in the... inside." He'd almost said a room, but, it's not exactly like the apartment was a mansion.

[disasdeer]

Louis stepped in quietly, and took a look around the apartment. It's similar to his in a lot of ways, the shape, the size, the layout of it. But it was...Legosi's, so it was different. Louis' own place was nearly empty (he didn't decorate, he didn't buy personal belongings, he did enough to keep himself alive and well dressed - that's it).

And when he thinks about it, he's never been to Legosi's home. He's never been to where he lived at Cherryton. He's never been to his apartment after he left Cherryton.

He closes the door behind him.

"I said I wanted to talk. I guess you can already assume this is about what happened at the cabin." He assumes Legosi isn't that much of an idiot.

[andthatscalledjazz]

Legosi wasn't much of an interior decorator. On his own, it would've been more function over form. However, he wasn't staying in the place alone anymore. So, Haru's touches had added to the overall feeling of the place and Legosi honestly couldn't be happier to have someone else's input coloring his home.

The wolf gently shambled through his apartment and over to a seat. As much as he tried to seem like this was normal and he wasn't nervous, his eyes hadn't left Louis since the deer had arrived. Salvaging any kind of meaning from Louis' expression proved quite difficult. He'd always been tough to read, especially when he wanted to be. This was probably one of those times.

Legosi gently nodded. "Yeah, I figured." Legosi's claws gently flexed against the arm of his chair. He needed to get something out of the way right out of the gate. "I don't want to interrupt what you came here to say or take away from it, but... I just wanted to start by apologizing for... shoving all that onto you and expecting a lot from you. You've done a lot for me and it wasn't fair for me to ambush you like that with things you weren't prepared for. I didn't mean to upset you."

[disasdeer]

He knows. He knows the wolf didn't mean to upset him. He knew the wolf was sorry. He knew that Legosi understood he had upset Louis. Of course, most people would have seen that Louis was upset. He hadn't made attempts to connect with Legosi, even in the smallest ways, since that night. It's his most effective way of dealing with things - icing anyone he halfway cares about out of his life for a period of time.

But, just because he did something like that, didn't mean he understood what he wanted. He still had no real idea. But what he did know was that he didn't want to dodge Legosi any longer.

"Stop." He didn't want Legosi to babble himself through apologies or whatever he was doing.

He shifts, finding a seat just close enough so he can keep Legosi in his line of sight.

"I didn't come here for an apology or something stupid. And, if I'm totally honest, I still don't have an answer. Because I don't know."

That was hard enough for him to admit, so he'll let that fact settle in.

[andthatscalledjazz]

Stop. The gentle command made Legosi keep his mouth shut and perk his ears. His voice didn't sound... angry, at least. Legosi just had to give the deer the benefit of the doubt. Just let Louis speak.

And speak Louis did. But... huh? What did he say? Legosi gave a few confused blinks. The wolf had to replay the deer's words a few times just to make sense of what he said. And, even after he did, he still didn't know quite what Louis was saying. Louis didn't have an answer? He didn't know? Legosi quickly pieced it together for himself so that he didn't just stare at Louis blankly.

He changed the way he was sitting to buy himself a little more time. This was about what happened in the cabin. Legosi pushed his feelings onto Louis... Oh! Louis didn't have an answer on his own feelings! Because he... didn't know what his feelings were? That sounded right. Legosi looked over Louis' features. "So, you don't know how you feel about me?"

Given what he knew about Louis, maybe that made sense. Part of him wished he'd been more patient with the deer. No, no, Legosi couldn't just sit in a pile of regret. Move forward, wolf. "Uh, it's... it's okay that you don't know. Um, whenever I first thought I liked Haru..." All that time ago. "I didn't really know what my feelings were. Uh, not that you're the same. But, for me, it took me awhile to know exactly what my feelings were. At first, I thought I just wanted to be friends with her and make up for attacking her, but, it just sort of snowballed from there. There was even a moment where I thought I could separate from her, early on. I could just cut the ties and pretend like it didn't happen, like I didn't have them and we'd move on... but she found me and those feelings came right back to the surface."

He sheepishly chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "A-Again, not that this applies to you. I guess I just wanted to... relate to you."

[disasdeer]

He stopped, briefly. But then he spoke again and it's not helping. It's not helping Louis work through the confusion that has made a home in him. It settled into some pit in his stomach that isn't going away for whatever reason and he hates it. He hates not knowing how he feels or how to act. Because Louis always knows how to behave. He has always known what he wanted. He always knew what he was going to fight for. He knew what he wanted the world to become, and what change he wanted to influence.

But Legosi? He didn't know.

In many ways, he cared for the wolf deeply and beyond his care for anyone else. While he may have a giant wall surrounding him, sometimes he gave Legosi a door. One he could lock from time to time, one he could still control. But it was still there. And although it was locked right now, Louis...might crack a little.

He's trying to, at least. And it's really hard for him to show anything that might hint at weakness.

"It doesn't apply." It's different. Because with Legosi, they're already friends. Their bond already had evolved past the place of exploring what that bond meant. And Louis learned that they were well beyond any option to cut ties.

There wasn't a lot of other places to go when you felt more strongly towards someone than friendship allowed.

And though he told Legosi that it didn't apply, his tone is still soft and confused. "What I mean is, I don't know how I feel, yes. But I don't know that I will if I do nothing about it, too. So," he almost can't believe he's saying this.

"I will give you a chance. Given that, I do have rules."

[andthatscalledjazz]

Legosi was trying to be careful. He was trying to pace himself and be careful. If he didn't, he'd just say something dumb and it'd get worse and then Louis might close off again.

At least that was the initial train of thought, right? But, Louis was just as capable at throwing rogue surprises and haymakers to the best laid plans. Legosi forgot that sometimes. Even while he was making sense of Louis' soft, yet slightly confusing words, Legosi still forgot that.

That was how his next two sentences caught Legosi as off guard as a punch to the face.

I will give you a chance.

Every step forward with Louis so often felt like two steps back. Legosi may have been waiting for the negative. The fallout. The lashback. But, it was just... hope? Moving forward? There were caveats, sure, but, it's not like Legosi expected differently from Louis! He couldn't help it; his tail immediately started wagging. "Y-You will? That's- You're- Haha, I mean..." Legosi straightened a bit and got himself under control, trying to give a more mature nod. "Go ahead and, uh, give your rules?" God, he wanted to rush right over and hug Louis until the deer pried him off.

[disasdeer]

Louis stood. He took a couple careful steps towards the wolf and reached his hands up to grip his muzzle. He wanted to make sure Legosi's eyes were on him. And while he knows he can get the wolf's attention in just a small, quick request. But this way he knew there was no change. No opportunity. Even as he heard the way the other's tail thumped as it wagged.

"It's really only one thing," he says it steadily. "I don't want to deal with any sort of jealousy here." The nature of his place, the way that things operated here.

It was unlikely he'd only ever be involved with Legosi.

"I can't have you thinking my willingness means you have any sort of claim on me."

But even as he grips the wolf's face like this, there's Synchrony. And that's something. It's so easy with Legosi because there's already something there deep and buried and Louis damn well knows that the way that he cares for Legosi does extend beyond simply friendship.

"Do you think you can handle that, Legosi?"

[andthatscalledjazz]

Legosi's eyes couldn't move away from the deer at the moment even if he wanted to. Louis' normal radiance and presence didn't even contribute, this time. It just felt like nothing else existed. The seriousness of his expression and the even tone of his voice... their closeness also allowed Louis' scent to tickle at his nose. His attention was solely on listening to Louis, but his other senses just relished in being so encompassed by the deer.

Jealousy... claim... Legosi knew, deep down, what that meant. Even for all his obliviousness and stupidity sometimes, he could piece that together. Louis might become involved with others. Might make other connections. That beast inside wanted to just grab Louis and never let go, but... Legosi had long since stopped listening to the beast. This was about the walls Louis had built up. Louis was giving him a doorway. A way in.

Legosi raised his hand up to rest on Louis' chest, gently spreading his fingers across and trying to feel the deer's heartbeat. "I can... I can try to handle it. I can train myself, if I have to. Like I did with resisting meat. I know that you've never been all mine. Probably never will. You're too... Louis to just submit to anything like that. But... if I could be yours, sometimes, that's all I could ask." Legosi didn't know how much warmth was translating through his beady eyes, but he hoped Louis could feel the care that the wolf had for him. "I can handle anything for you."

text | un: botanybunny

[hopticulture]

Legosi-kun, I know it's early, but let's do something special for your birthday.

text | un: tamedwolf

[andthatscalledjazz]

My birthday?
Oh! I guess my birthday is pretty close. I hadn't noticed really. What did you want to do?

[hopticulture]

It took me awhile to understand the calendar system here, but after figuring out Louis's birthday it's pretty similar to how the dates are back home.

The Night Garden is having a special event and I want to take you to see the butterflies before that ends on the 5th, but on your actual birthDAY, let's see...

[AND there's a bit of a pause between that message and the next because she keeps drafting up ideas, deleting them, writing something else up, deleting, and then finally:]

Give me a few ideas of things you've wanted to do with me, and I can surprise you.

[disasdeer]

Louis feels... surprisingly calm. Calm when Legosi's large, clawed fingers spread over his chest. Calm when Legosi makes such a confession. Calm because Legosi is going to try, but Louis had a feeling he would if he wanted this... this badly. He thinks maybe his heart should be pounding in his chest, maybe he should feel stressed, uneasy, or strange about everything happening here. Whatever -- this is. He doesn't know what to quite call it yet. That's a thing to navigate another time, he thinks, though.

"I know you'll try."

It sounds so... easy. Legosi makes it sound so easy. But, the wolf also knew that if he acted out of line, Louis wouldn't tolerate it for long. He'd have to work harder to earn him back. So. He knew he'd try.

So he leans a little, gripping the wolf's face tight, and gives him a kiss. It's soft, affectionate, and chaste. Way more chaste than a lot of thing's he's done. And there it is again. That warm, pleasant Synchrony.

pretend i sent this 4/9; text; un: adler

[disasdeer]

Today's your birthday, isn't it?

[andthatscalledjazz]

Oh! I'd love to see that! I'm really curious how different the wing patterns are for butterflies here. Small changes in the ecosystem can shift the patterns based on their needs, so they must look so different here.

Ummm... a few ideas... I'm not sure. What if we do something you want to do, too? It feels weird just doing something I want to do all day.

[andthatscalledjazz]

If Louis felt an unnatural calmness, Legosi felt like his fur was on fire. Maybe it was their differences as predator and prey. Maybe it was Louis' calm in tense social situations while Legosi found his cool under pressure happening in the heat of a fight. Maybe, maybe, maybe... The potential reasons sped through his mind, but they halted in place.

Louis kissed him. It was like his mind short circuited. The first thought that came through... was how different it was kissing Louis to Haru. The shape of his muzzle, the feeling of his fur, the way Louis' hands framed his face... The next thought was how shocked he was that Louis made the first move. It always felt like Legosi was having to take the lead for any affection between the two. But, now, maybe, they were on the same level.

Legosi pushed back against the kiss with his own muzzle, trying to demonstrate his own return of warmth. But, maybe a little less soft. Legosi wasn't exactly the master of subtle actions.

text; un: TamedWolf

[andthatscalledjazz]

Oh, uh, yeah. I've forgotten a few times, but, Haru's way better than I am with remembering that kind of thing.

[hopticulture]

Not to mention all the different kinds of plants they have here, I wouldn't be surprised to learn there are kinds of alien bugs to match.

[hopefully none of the kind that lay eggs in you like in those horror movies...]

Something I want to do...hmmm...well, for Louis' birthday I got him tickets to this spa in the Diamond District which seemed kind of nice when I poked around. But I'm not sure if you're the kind of guy who'd enjoy that sort of thing...